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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29500290">linger, and fall</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanguine_puddles/pseuds/sanguine_puddles'>sanguine_puddles</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Desperation, Exhaustion, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Impulsive Behavior, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Overdosing, Pain, Panic Attacks, Suicide Attempt, Vomiting, i think, they're also a bit out of character but what can you do</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 01:22:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,092</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29500290</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanguine_puddles/pseuds/sanguine_puddles</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been building up for a while, but he really didn't expect it to get this bad. </p><p>He's bitten his own tongue and the venomous words are coming for him instead.</p><p>He wants it all to just <em>stop</em>.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kageyama Tobio &amp; Tsukishima Kei</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>linger, and fall</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i didn't want to put my beta through this, so sorry if there're any mistakes!</p><p>i tried to be as accurate as possible, so hopefully this is realistic enough ( - . - )ゞ</p><p>i think this would take place sometime around their second, maybe third year </p><p>
  <strong>WARNINGS: <em>please</em> read the tags, this fic contains a suicide attempt (in detail), a panic attack, overdosing (kind of), and vomiting/forced vomiting/gagging on fingers</strong>
</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
It's been building up for a while, but he really didn't expect it to get this bad. 
</p><p>
He's bitten his own tongue and the venomous words are coming for him instead.
</p><p>
He wants it all to just <em>stop</em>. 
</p><p>
He wants someone to save him. 
</p><p>
A hysterical giggle rips from his throat. 
</p><p>
He sucks in a breath and presses a hand over his mouth and nose, tries to hold back the tantrums and cries that sit under the knot in his throat. 
</p><p>
He's getting nauseous and clammy and he wants to scream <em>so badly</em>, but he can't, someone could hear him, nobody's home, <em>someone could hear him</em>. 
</p><p>
He fists the blankets in his free hand and tears them off, standing and gripping his nightstand to prevent his knees from giving out. He stands there for a moment, trying to regain his breath and balance. 
</p><p>
And then he grabs his phone and heads for the bathroom in the dark. 
</p><p>
He unlocks his phone, opens the contacts page, then sets it on the rim of the sink. 
</p><p>
His hands shake as he rummages through the bathroom cabinet and pulls out a bottle of ibuprofen. 
</p><p>
He's swallowing a mouthful of dark pills with a glass of water before he can even think about it, the acrid taste sticking to his tongue and water dripping down his chin. 
</p><p>
He wipes at his mouth, stares at his reflection in the mirror, painted a dim blue from the nightlight. 
</p><p>
"Oh. Fuck. I shouldn't have done that." 
</p><p>
The glass slips from his fingers and chips in the sink as he stumbles for the toilet, shoving two fingers down his throat and gagging. 
</p><p>
His eyes water and his teeth scrape his knuckles, but nothing comes up. 
</p><p>
So he gives up and reaches for his phone, immediately calling Yamaguchi.
</p><p>
It rings. 
</p><p>
And rings and rings and rings before redirecting into voicemail. 
</p><p>
"Shit," he rasps. "<em>Yamaguchi</em>, come on." 
</p><p>
He tries again. 
</p><p>
No answer. 
</p><p>
"Damnit," he whimpers and pulls the phone away, fumbling to press on someone else, <em>anyone else</em>. 
</p><p>
It rings three times before a tired and grumpy voice says, "Hello?" 
</p><p>
He almost drops his phone, whispering, "Kageyama?"
</p><p>
"What the fuck? Tsukishima?" Kageyama asks. 
</p><p>
Tsukishima chokes, coughs, pushes down shame and embarrassment to say, "I fucked up. <em>I fucked up</em>." 
</p><p>
Kageyama sounds a lot more alert when he asks, "What's going on? What did you do?" 
</p><p>
Tsukishima laughs, then chokes again, heaving a breath. "Um," he chuckles nervously. "I may or may not have swallowed a whole bottle of ibuprofen." 
</p><p>
"What the fuck, Tsukishima? Throw them up!" he yells. 
</p><p>
"I <em>tried</em>," he says wetly. "They won't come back up!" 
</p><p>
"Shit, okay, I'm going to hang up and call an ambulance, okay? I'll call you back right after. I'm also heading your way." 
</p><p>
Tsukishima squeezes his phone in silence. 
</p><p>
"<em>Okay</em>?" Kageyama stresses. 
</p><p>
Tsukishima huffs. "Okay." 
</p><p>
He's left with his own panting breaths, ants crawling over his skin and nausea welling up. His clamminess has breached sweating territory now and his whole body is trembling, mind both calm and running in circles.  
</p><p>
He thinks, <em>This is what a panic attack feels like,</em> and laughs. 
</p><p>
His phone rings while he’s laughing and he answers it with a breathless, “Hello?” 
</p><p>
"I'm almost to your place, they told me what to do when I get there and they're sending an ambulance." 
</p><p>
"Okay." 
</p><p>
"I need to keep you talking. Tell me something about dinosaurs." 
</p><p>
Tsukishima hums, trying to think through the panic and pain coiling in his abdomen. "They're cool.” 
</p><p>
“Just cool?” 
</p><p>
“It's amazing to think about and study something based on just ancient bones and rock. They’re untouchable. I wish I could've seen them. When they were living." 
</p><p>
"Do you have a favorite?" 
</p><p>
"I don't know. Maybe raptors. Velociraptors... Jurassic Park made them look cool. Did you know some dinosaurs had feathers? If not all did? Chickens are related to dinosaurs. All birds actually." 
</p><p>
"That's neat." Kageyama replies and Tsukishima's phone beeps to signify the end of the call. 
</p><p>
He sits there for a moment, not really comprehending what just happened and startles when the light flcikers on and Kageyama crouches in front of him. 
</p><p>
He’s not really panicking anymore. 
</p><p>
"Hey," Kageyama greets. He reaches forward to rest his fingers against Tsukishima's pulse point, just under the jaw. "Did you eat anything before taking them?"
</p><p>
"No."
</p><p>
"Any pain?" 
</p><p>
Tsukishima nods. "Stomachache and headache. Weird vision." 
</p><p>
"I'm gonna assume you mean weirder than your blindness because you're not wearing your glasses." 
</p><p>
"Yeah." 
</p><p>
Kageyama nods and then tugs Tsukishima towards the toilet. "You need to throw up. Can you do it yourself?" 
</p><p>
Tsukishima leans forward and grips at the toilet bowl, tremors and sweat making it a grand feat. He scowls and shakes his head. 
</p><p>
Kageyama gets up to quickly wash his hands, drying them on a hand towel and getting on his knees at Tsukishima's side. 
</p><p>
"You can't get pissed at me for this," Kageyama says as he adjusts his rolled-up sleeves. He rests one hand on Tsukishima's far shoulder, the other prying his mouth open and pressing calloused fingers into the back of his tongue. 
</p><p>
He lurches forward and Kageyama yanks his hand away as he retches, trying a few more times before his body finally expells his stomach's contents. 
</p><p>
The hand Kageyama had on his shoulder now rubs his back as he spits and coughs, throat and mouth burning from the acid and tears tracking down his cheeks. 
</p><p>
Tsukishima leans his forehead against the cold porcelain and tries to breathe, breaths much shallower than he'd like. He's too exhausted to move, eyes threatening to slip shut. 
</p><p>
They can hear sirens in the distance, steadily growing closer, and Tsukishima hears Kageyama sigh. 
</p><p>
Kageyama pulls him upright before he can drift off, pinching his wrist to bring back some of Tsukishima's awareness. "They'll be here soon, stay awake." 
</p><p>
Tsukishima grunts and focuses on staying conscious, trying to ignore the raging headache and debilitating stomach cramps, stares at the wall and syncs his breaths with Kageyama's instead. 
</p><p>
When the EMTs and paramedics arrive, they ask Tsukishima and Kageyama a checklist of questions too fast to remember and force Tsukishima to drink a mixture of activated charcoal and water, <em>“Just in case there’s some still left in your system,”</em> they say. 
</p><p>
They load him into the ambulance and allow Kageyama to ride up front, him being the only person around until someone can get a hold of Akiteru or his mom. 
</p><p>
His exhaustion catches up to him and he lets his eyes close. 
</p><p>
He hopes he wakes up in the hospital. 
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>lemme just say, it is very likely he survived that afdhja suicide watch and then therapy for you, tsukki dude</p><p>i wasn't quite sure why i chose kageyama at first, but then i thought about my headcanons for him and realized that's why. said headcanons including but not limited to: 1) kags has depression, 2) he has attempted suicide before due to kitaiichi and his grandpa, and 3) he has gotten therapy because of #'s 1 and 2. so he'd have some Experience™ with these kinds of things. not that tsukishima would know that lol</p><p>title comes from <a href="https://youtu.be/qkx57WDlDu8">"blue butterfly"</a> by yeule</p></blockquote></div></div>
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